It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
