just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
