Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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