I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
you made out with another girl for some wings
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
