TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
