just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
