mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
