I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
