Soap is not a condiment
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
