I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Terrible idea I love it
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
