I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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