you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The adults are the big ones right?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
