Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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