You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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