My liver just broke up with me...
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
