Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize