youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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