in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
