We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
