Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
