Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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