Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
