hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
