He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
