apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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