her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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