a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
