Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
