i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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