Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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