Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
