I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
