Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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