And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize