Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize