Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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