Im at strip club and am horny
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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