Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
