I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
