we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
