I have demons in me.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
where does the pee come out of this thing
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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