You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
