a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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