I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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