Kiss
Puke
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
