I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
