So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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