you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
