Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
