It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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