I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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