Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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