drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Randomize