I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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