Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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