she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
