I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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