I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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