it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
