in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
