so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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