why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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