The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
