Where is the hickey?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
