I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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