he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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