Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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