plz talk dirty to me
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
