I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
