His pubic hair was longer than his dick
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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