lets start a swedish sibling band together
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize