I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
