I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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