I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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